Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk

Briella has been doing great with her body temperature. They have turned her isolette all the way down to the lowest temp it can be and she is still the highest number on the normal side of warm. She's trying to tell them that she wants to go to a crib! But they say she is way too small for that. She is now 3 pounds 5 ounces!!! 1499 grams! She is also getting long! 15 and a Half inches!!!!

Also, when I got to her hospital room yesterday, she had pulled her oxygen tubes out of her nose. They were sitting above her nose. She was not having any alarms. I stood there and just watched her. I held her hand and paid close attention to her coloring to make sure she was breathing perfect. Well she was. She was almost at 100% on her oxygen!!! She would bounce from 97-95% all by herself! The nurse came in and we both stood and watched her in amazement! I kept telling her how proud I am of her. I watched her myself for 15 minutes with NO help whatsoever!!!! It brought my heart such joy!! We decide to put the oxygen back on because she was getting ready to start a feed and she sometimes refluxes and has a spell during a meal.

I'm looking forward to hopefully in the next couple weeks starting to introduce Briella to a bottle! I can't wait until her feeding tube is gone.

On Wed I was so excited to get to the hospital for scrapbooking day. I really enjoy sitting near Briella and being able to make whatever I want with all supplies provided. I had to run first to another city to try and resubmit paperwork for Briella's secondary insurance that has been denied twice. Well I get there to this crowded room. I pick a number. I am 38 people behind. Everyone was coughing and I started panicking. I left the room an stood in the hall where I could still hear the numbers being called. The room got so full that people started filling the hall. I kept trying to pull myself together but with every gag hack and cough I lost it more and more. I felt like I was just standing there getting germs to bring back to Briella. I waited almost an hour when this mom brings in her child who was coughing every few seconds and I swear he sounded so bad if it were my child I would've taken them to the ER. That was the final straw for me. I ran out of the building and to my car and literally broke down. I went home and took a shower and changed my clothes before going to see her, by then i missed scrapbooking. I am so terrified of getting sick or bringing a germ to her that could be fatal. It is so hard for me to wonder if my throat hurts from allergies or am I sick? I have had my throat swabbed 3 times to check for Strep throat, all negative. I'm sure the nurses think I'm crazy for keep coming in. I even did a round of antibiotics so I wouldn't freak out so much. But I'm finding it really hard not to worry. When I go to the stores, if they do not have the sanitizing cart wipes I will just carry the items I need. I'm sure it looks humorous to watch me struggle at the grocery store. In elevators with other people I hold my breath, like that is going to prevent me from getting ill. And that's really hard to do sometimes when I have to get to the 4th floor and the elevator stops at each floor, ha. I guess this is a lifestyle I will get used to, but right now I'm driving myself crazy being overly paranoid. I can't imagine losing my baby, so for the winter/flu season I will try to be ok with being over the top careful.

Briella has officially "out drank" me. She is eating so much every 3 hours now that she has went through my stockpile of milk at the hospital. Today I have to bring in my small stash from home. I'm pushing for a milk bank referral instead of her being switched to more formula. I am still pumping and storing all the milk I can, but its not enough. Briella will come home on 22 calorie formula, even if I am using breastmilk it will be mixed with it for higher calories. The formula is more expensive. If anyone wants to sign up for Enfamil checks or Similac checks and donate them to us I would be grateful! You would have to sign up that your household is expecting a baby, then they mail you checks/coupons, I believe monthly. They are usually high dollar $5-$15 coupons! I just googled "how to sign up for enfamil checks" and found the link.

Two times this week I have been up late at night (or actually early in the morning) to pump when I have accidentally spilled my milk. Whoever wrote the saying "Don't cry over spilled milk definitely never had issues pumping for a baby who needs it for an under developed stomach!! It was heartbreaking to watch what little milk I am able to get Briella just be wasted! And the fact that I could've just stayed asleep but instead was up pumping. I wanted to cry but just took a deep breath and thought that it is not worth it. My baby is here and that's what matters.

We are looking forward to seeing and talking with everyone tomorrow at the party!