Day 12

Again today we had a peaceful day with not a lot of developments. They have started fortifying the breast milk with extra calories so that she can start getting big. Although she is now over her birth weight by 10 grams I believe. We have our fingers crossed that she continues to tolerate her feedings now that we are adding to them. She is up to 10ml every 3 hours.

Tomorrow she will have her 2nd head ultrasound. We are praying that her brain bleed has absorbed on its own. It's kind of getting to a scary point. Dr told me today that they will have to treat her heart PDA as soon as Briella is no longer going down on her vent numbers. So basically the 1st day that she just stays the same numbers and doesn't improve her numbers. We are scared to start the heart medicine because A) it can cause more bleeding in the brain B) her feedings will be stopped C) her kidney function will decrease D) she won't have as much urine output E) there's still a chance the meds won't work.

Today was my day to hold Briella. It is a better feeling than anything I can imagine. Once she is put on me she is so calm. She slept the whole time. She fits so perfectly in my bosom. That hour always goes by too fast. I love her scent. She still hasn't opened that 2nd eye yet. In due time.

Sometimes I catch myself mourning the end of my pregnancy. I'll feel sad that I never got a huge bump, or that I can't feel her kick anymore. I have moments that catch me off guard and I just start crying. Once was seeing parents leave the hospital with their newborn baby for the 1st time; Brian reminded me that we will get there. Walking into a maternity store to buy nursing bras and seeing all their winter clothes that I should be shopping for. Today when getting my flu shot, I guess just remembering all of the blood work & shots I had in the hospital and how I wished I was still in the hospital with her in me. Then I am reminded when I get to her hospital room every morning that I am so lucky because I got to hold my baby and ooh and awe over her way earlier than other Mommy's. I get to watch her mature week by week in person, while I study her gorgeous face and watch her hair grow. I thank God for my blessing, my miracle. I awoke this morning so happy and thankful. I feel so proud of both of my daughters. I feel complete. I feel thankful to be able to go to the hospital every morning, I love doing it. I am so thankful for my life right now.

When I was in labor, obviously we did not realize I was in labor, I kept screaming out loud for God asking him why he wasn't helping me when I was begging for his relief. I didn't understand that he was there listening to me the whole time. He was saving my daughter's life. I knew as soon as Briella was out of me that God was there. I have never felt anything more sure. I was in total peace and not worried. Just kept telling Brian that everything was okay and not to worry. I called my mom, then my dad, then my brother. I was calm, which if you know me you know that I usually do not stay calm in tense situations.
I just wanted to share that we truly feel every prayer with the progress of Briella's health. Please keep them coming.

Picture is Briella holding her own binkie (the long white stick)