23 weeks 4 days

Yesterday was a no good rotten terrible day. The contractions that started Sunday night grew more intense through the night. By Monday morning when my dr had came to check on me, I was in pain, had already had 2 bad bleeds ( tennis ball clots). She checked & said I had started to dilate. A friend had sent me an email saying that her nurses had told her before birth that they would do what they could but if they were told there wasn't anything that could be done they need to just enjoy the minutes they had. So I asked my dr if they would let me know like that. She said that the only thing they would do is "comfort care." Put a hat on her and give her to us. I felt at the very least I wanted her to try oxygen to see if she was a fighter & could have a chance. Dr said if I was wanting to try anything I needed to be transferred immediately. That's when it started getting hectic. I was told I needed a transfusion so one arm was being prepped for an iv while the other arm had started the magnesium to stop contractions. Then my dr said my new dr wanted me to have the steroid shots to mature babies lungs. I had asked twice about it & was told no earlier than 23 days 6 weeks. So was happy to get it. Then they said st Luke's on the plaza was full. Then said center point was full. So was transferred by ambulance to op regional. The magnesium started making me agitated. I was mad the nurse refused to hold my hand during the steroid shot. I was mad the ambulance ride was so bumpy. I was mad I had to give blood again as soon as I got here even though I had just given it 25 min earlier at a different hospital. I just went to a bad place. I wouldn't let Brian back in the room. My parents came & I just wanted to be alone. By the time I let Brian back in I was so weak. I could barely open my eyes. I couldn't talk, just whisper. I just had given up. I felt like I was laying there waiting to die. Brian fed me a string cheese & it literally took about 30 minutes for 1 piece of cheese. I didn't sleep. I was so scared of moving an inch. I hated the catheter. Every 2 hours someone comes in to listen to my lungs, heart & check my reflexes.

Today my contractions had stopped. They took my catheter out & lowered my dose of mag. I ate lunch. I walked to the bathroom. I felt human again.
While I still have a constant iv & get blood drawn every 8hrs & rest only in 2 hr spurts, I am in a better place. That magnesium was evil. It made me so hot & pretty much depressed. I allowed mom & Aub to come see me after she got out of school. My contractions came back but were very slow apart. I had a good dinner & a good visit with Brian's mom & am feeling at peace. Tomorrow if my contractions stay away I will be taken off the mag. So I feel hopeful that I can make it another week. I am weary however since I know for every good day there are 2 bad days, but still hopeful. Right now we are still on an hr by hr basis & their goal was to keep me pregnant overnight. Friday will be 24 weeks.
We are at a level 3 NICU now so they are prepared to do everything for her.

I see every single comment & message & feel the prayers. Please keep them coming. I wish I had the energy to respond to them all but I love to read them.